M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she looked like the before picture.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
