Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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