Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
