if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
