Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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