Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
