Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
