Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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