wrigley field is MILF paradise
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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