Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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