I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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