He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
