I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Randomize
