My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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