too bad you live with your parents still
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Randomize
