The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My liver just had a heart attack.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
