I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
