i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize