I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
