Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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