I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
