That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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