Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
