Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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