Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
