so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I need moral support for this bender
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
