she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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