Just cropdusted the office
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
