i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize