yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
