I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
