Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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