Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
