I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
