ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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