she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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