My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
