so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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