things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize