i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
