Your mouth is God's brothel.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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