I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
