Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
