You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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