What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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