And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
