i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
