Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
