Will you blow on my dice?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
