Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
