You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dear god my vagina.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
