Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
it's like iHOP with fire
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
