dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize