Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
