.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
