he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
