Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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