We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
