Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Randomize
