so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
