i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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