me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
