That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
