Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
