I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
