Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Boobs speak an international language.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
