Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
