So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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