i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
3pm strippers are depressing
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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